Beethoven Was Black
&
Browne Is White
(a novel)
by
Mark Hayes
Harry Browne, a white professor, teaches at Freedman State College, an historically black college (HCBU).
Shocked by what he sees and experiences as a newly hired assistant profess0r of English, Harry mused.......
.......I wish I had the balls to write something about my adventures at Freedman State, but I could lose my job. Worse, no one would believe me if I told the truth about black racism or about social promotion for all students or about academic scholarships awarded to unqualified students who could only score a total of 800 (combined) on threir SAT exams.......
BUT. Who would believe a middle-aged white man in these days of WOKE and political correctness run amok?
If you were/ a straight, white male in the U.S. today, you are the enemy--a racist, a homophobe, a member of the (gasp!) patriarchy. YOU are the enemy, the target of every self-proclaimed victims' group whining and complaining about their rights.
If you are a white guy lucky enough to have (somehow) landed a government or an academic job, you can forget about promotion or advancement of any kind. Only blacks, Latinos, women, gays, Asians, and the disabled (and preferably, any combination of 2 or more of these victims' groups) are to be considered for promotion. "Affirmative Action" means equal opportunity for everyone but white men (so much for reciprocity, mused Harry).
A white male can forget about climbing any job ladder--Harry had come to think of this situation as the "white boy testosterone ceiling." All this discrimination against whites left Harry feeling whiter than he ever had felt. In fact, Harry had never thought about being white until he experienced this discrimination.
Yet, in the midst of this social upheaval, Harry Browne, a middle-aged white man, somehow lands a job teaching at an historically black ciollege (HCBU). This is his story, and here a few of the players Harry meets at Freedman State College as he surfs on the new wave of color sweeping over America:
DR. WASHINGTON LINEN: President of Freedman State College. A tireless promoter of African-American interests--especially his own. Linen's got a scheme for filling classroom seats and dorm rooms with warm bodies, all based on students' POTENTIAL. One part snake oil, one part CEO, and 100 percent self-aggrandizer, Linen never met a campus sutiation that wasn't a "challenge" or an "opportunity"--NO "problems" ever cross Linen's radar.
DEAN ACRECIOUS GREENVILLE: Academic Dean at Freedman State. A black nationalist with a theory. Education in the U.S. is a white racist plot designed to keep blacks from getting their piece of the American pie. How? By using evil, standardized tests to close off college admissions and scholarships to black students. How else to explain why Asians and Latinos do better than blacks on standardized tests? Don't ask for logic--that is a "white thang"--a tool of white supremcy. No wonder some on the faculty call him EGREGIOUS.
DR. COLOSSUIS WADI: Professor of Victimology and the powerful chairman of Freedman State's Promotion and Tenure Committee for Faculty. Wadi thinks that THE ATLANTIC magazine is a journal about oceanography, and that THE NEW YORKER is a catalogue selling Chyrysler cars and products. WTF?
PROFESSOR DAVE STANLEY: A black faculty member who does not want his own children to study Swahili. He insists his kids speak Standard English. Is he a "race traitor"?
Harry Browne discovers that Freedman State College is a lot like a fine restaurant. People may love the food, but they should never see what goes on in the kitchen. Harry also realizes that no administrator at the college wants the public--especially the white majority in the legislature at the state house--to know what goes on behind the "hallowed ivy walls" at dear old Freedman State.
A fly-on-the-wall view of race and education in America today, this story shows how Harry comes to understand that Beethoven may, or may not, have been black, but that he, Professor Harry Browne is white--really, really, REALLY white.
How did that old Chuck Berry Song go? Hmmmm, "Roll over, Beethoven, tell Tchaikovsky the news"--my man B-toven be black!
BEETHOVEN WAS BLACK & BROWNE IS WHITE (a novel) by Mark Hayes, 230 pages, paper @ $7.99 postpaid.
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(c) 2026
Mark Hayes
M. Holden
R. Johnson
M.K.Leavey
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